I'm Torn

My boss, and friend, Jon, quit last month. He left the company, and is now working for Domino's. He's been recruiting everyone he can to come with, and plans to run the place I work into the ground. He says that my new boss, Brandon, talks shit about me all the time, and I don't like working part time anyway.

But I don't want to work for him either. I just want a new job.
Pizza delivery is fun, I love my friends and I love the customers. But I cannot live on 25 hours a week. Especially when the company is cheating us out of money. Did I mention that? I survive on 4.25 an hour plus tips. When I report those tips, but don't meet a certain amount, I get something called supplemental pay. I normally get some every week.

They don't let me get it. They change the numbers so that I meet their requirements.

I don't like my job. I'm half asleep right now. More news later.

Two Months

For two months, I've been a delivery driver for Pizza Hut.

For two months, I've been surviving the best I can. I make minimum wage, and I get irritated at people constantly. I'm forced to drive my pickup truck right now, because my Dad's Explorer broke down and I can't afford to fix it yet.

But despite all this, I'm happy. Really, truly, Happy.

I got offered a sort of side job today. My friend is a groundskeeper for a Doctor in Rogers, and the workload is meant for 3 people. So, he asked me for help on Friday. I'm fat, and don't handle heat too well, but I think I'm gonna do it. I need more money and I need to be physically active.

Despite all my blustery words, I haven't had the energy since starting my job to work out. I barely manage to clean. And my air conditioning is broken, so cleaning's become a chore now. But someone upstairs must be looking out for me.

My parents received a phone call today. The lawsuit my step-mother has been in for three years has had a breakthrough. The company we're sueing has settled. In the next 72 hours, my parents and I will have enough money to fix the AC and to pay for repairs to the SUV. We'll be back on steady ground.

I never believed in religion. It wasn't really my sort of thing. God? Silly. Allah? Get out of town. Buddah? Smart man, but no deity to be sure. But something helped me today.

And for that, I am very grateful.

Good day, my friends. I hope things are looking up for you as much as they are for me.

Things Are Looking Up

So, my new job is amazing. It's fun, I have friends there already, my bosses are awesome people, and I get to do what I love doing most: Drive.

In addition, I've been able to find the money with my Dad's help to get the car going still, and we're not going to go hungry. I went to celebrate my new job Sunday night at Club Xanadu, and that was an intense blast. I got the courage up to just start dancing with my friends, and I felt alive for the first time in a while.

Things are really starting to look good for me. Who knows, maybe soon I'll be able to get my house cleaned up and start planning to move out. But first before I do that, I want to get my first tattoo planned and paid for. I even know what it will be.

Until next time, wish me luck.

Some Success

Today, due to our lack of funds, my father and I gathered up our new vacuum and stepladder, neither of which we really NEED, and returned them to the store. We have just enough to keep the car running another week and keep from going hungry.
I go for my interview tomorrow night. Hopefully, this job won't be like the last one. Hopefully, here, I'll be appreciated enough that I won't feel the need to come home in a rage each day...

Soon, I'll be returning to my working out. I need new fitness buddies, but they're hard to come by these days. It's hard to workout alone without losing faith when you're 170 pounds overweight and out of shape. But I know I can do it, encouragement or not.

Giving up just isn't an option anymore. I need to make a change, and this is the way I'm going to do it.

Wish me luck.

Problems

Yesterday was a giant waste of time. I spent all day sick in bed, doped up on Nyquil, and now I've been up all night doing nothing. I can't seem to concentrate these last few days. It's as if something is wrong inside of my mind.
I have a job interview on Tuesday for a job I won't be able to take without some major sacrifice. See, here's the deal.
My Dad and I reached an agreement that I could use his car to work a pizza delivery job as long as I kept gas in it. But as of next Thursday, his car will have an automatic engine kill instituted by the dealer he is paying it off with. If I can't find 110$ by then, I won't be able to get this job. And without this job, my Dad's car can't get paid up to turn back on.
See my problem?

I went to visit my girlfriend about a month ago. That was amazing. Hands down, the best 5 days of this year. I just wish it didn't have to end. Hopefully I can clean up my life and save enough to visit her again soon. Until then, I'm stuck with texting and calling. And I know she feels like we're not as close anymore because of it. I just don't know how to fix it...

I need more people to talk to. I feel like my social skills are stagnating without more new people in my life.


That's all for now. I'm not really sure why I even posted this, but it feels like I needed to.

Til next time, my friends.
-Stephen

The Caterpillar

I am the American cliche.
I'm 19, overweight, under-achieving and over-intelligent. I spend my days worrying over things I cannot control and live with my parents. I am jobless and have a large ego. I am a struggling artist with no will to struggle. I laugh at things people aren't supposed to laugh about, and stay quiet when I see things most find funny. I constantly argue with people, and have few friends.
In short, I'm you.

And I hate that more than you know.

I want to be me.

And so, I'm going to become me.

I'm a fat, greasy caterpillar, and this is my chrysallis. Are you brave enough to join me as I undergo the transformation to come?


I hope you are. Because I'm not sure if I am.